


Holding On To Hope

by BSBLover2538, Fricksgirl_32



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSBLover2538/pseuds/BSBLover2538, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fricksgirl_32/pseuds/Fricksgirl_32
Summary: Brian Littrell had been harboring a crush on his bandmate for a while now, but after a devastating event makes him feel dirty and worthless, how will he win his bandmate's heart?





	Holding On To Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first collab with another author. Fricksgirl_32 helped me out so much with this one-shot. Many thanks to her for all of the help.
> 
> Another story, another pairing. Love the way this came out, hope you enjoy it as well! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the boys, all rights go to them and their management. This work is pure fiction.

**Chapter 1**

A Scary Beginning

Brian Littrell had been part of the rising vocal group, Backstreet Boys, for six years now. They had just completed their second US album, titled Millennium, which would become their best-selling album. Before their tour for the album began, their management let them take a break for a month. The group was exhausted, having had been in a constant loop of making music for years now, a grind that had to be done so they could succeed. Brian didn’t want to go back home to Kentucky, so Howie offered the second bedroom in his apartment to Brian for the month. He gratefully accepted, and the two soon found themselves in Florida together.

Nick, Kevin, and AJ had gone back to their homes to be with their families, in Kentucky, and New York. Brian had been having arguments with his family lately, and didn’t want to spend a month in close quarters with them, so had been very happy when Howie had offered the bedroom. What Howie didn’t know, was that Brian had developed a bit of a crush on him, and wanted to see how Howie was outside of the band and on his own. They had been living together for about two weeks, enjoying their time together, and Brian was getting ready to have a serious conversation with Howie, when one day the unthinkable happened, and everything changed completely. Brian had offered to go grocery shopping for the two of them, and on his way back, had ducked through an alley to get back to Howie’s a bit quicker. This decision would change Brian’s life forever.

Howie looked at the clock, and saw that Brian was later than usual getting back from the store, so Howie grabbed his coat, and walked the familiar path to the store. As he passed by the alleyway that he usually gave no thought to, he heard a pained groan. Howie knew Brian pretty well after six years, and knew that that sound was him. He ran into the alley, to see the groceries strewn everywhere, and Brian beaten to near unconsciousness. Howie ran to the nearest payphone and called for an ambulance, and ran back to Brian. Brian tried to tell Howie that he had been raped, but he was in too much pain to do more than groan. As Howie heard the ambulance near, he told Brian to hang on, that help was coming. A few minutes later, the ambulance showed up, and a short time after, the two were on their way to the hospital. Once they got to the emergency room, Howie was sent to the waiting room while they worked on Brian.

Brian had thought that going down the alley would buy him some time to get back to Howie’s quicker. He had his hands full of grocery bags, when he felt something heavy hit the back of his head. The groceries fell, and he stumbled into the wall of the alley. He felt someone punching him in the ribs, and suddenly the person leaned him against the wall, and a few minutes later, he was falling against the wall, to the ground, and his assailant left him there. He knew that he had been raped.

There was a good chance that he could become pregnant, due to being a carrier. That was something that all boys were tested for when they started puberty, and Brian was part of the 30% who could become pregnant. He had never told his bandmates this, and only his immediate family and doctors knew. As he heard Howie’s voice telling him that help was coming, he tried to tell Howie about the rape, but couldn’t do anything more than groan. Soon he found himself in the emergency room, with doctors and nurses all around him. 

He laid there as they did their tests, and found out that he had indeed been raped. Tears started to fall as the doctor performed the tests needed, and now Brian felt dirty and used. He thought that there was no way Howie would want to be with him now. He was used goods, and didn’t deserve someone as pure as Howie anymore. He listened as the doctor told him he’d have to stay overnight, so they could monitor his headache, and saw the doctor leave. Brian gazed out the window, and thought about how weak he was, to let himself get assaulted.

Howie called the other three, but asked them to stay away for now, and he would call them every day with updates. The three were extremely worried, but could understand why Howie asked for them to stay where they were. After hanging up with them, he went to the cafeteria for food, and thought about what had happened when he got to the alley. He thought he remembered something about Brian mentioning being raped, but he hoped he misheard him. He ate a small meal, and went back to the waiting room.

A couple hours later, a doctor came in asking for the friend that was with Brian Littrell. Howie stood up and introduced himself. The doctor likewise introduced himself as Dr. Fields. Dr. Fields brought Howie to a private room, and explained what had happened to Brian. He had a pretty nasty headache, bruised ribs, cuts and abrasions, and he showed signs of sexual assault. Howie hung his head, as tears came to his eyes. He asked Dr. Fields if he could see Brian. The doctor nodded his head, and brought Howie to Brian’s room. As Howie looked in, he saw Brian looking out the window with tears running down his face.

Howie rushed over to Brian, but felt him pull away. Brian didn’t want him to become dirty either and asked him to stay away. Howie was heartbroken but understood knowing it would take time for Brian to heal and let others near him again. Brian had cried himself to sleep as Howie reached up and ran his hand through his short hair lovingly. He sighed softly and sat back down, holding Brian’s hand gently.

**Chapter 2**

Pregnant and Telling Nick, AJ, and Kevin

After Brian woke up from a nightmare, he broke down and finally told Howie he was a carrier and that there was a possibility he could be pregnant, he also admitted how lost he was and didn’t know what he was going to do. Howie assured him they would figure something out and asked if Brian wanted to let the others know. Brian knew the other three would want to be there for him, but he wanted space right now. He asked Howie to tell the others to give them a month, and Howie would keep them updated on Brian. Howie knew the others wouldn’t be happy but would respect their wishes. 

Howie kept his promises, and called the other three. He asked them to give the two of them space right now, and told them they could come by in four weeks to see Brian. He also asked them to keep their distance from Brian unless he asked for the contact. Kevin, AJ, and Nick understood and waited for the tri-weekly phone calls from Howie. 

Brian still felt very dirty but he had let Howie close to him enough to help him out, but quickly pulled back inward. Dr. Fields told Brian he was free to go but to set up a check-up appointment to see if he was pregnant in a few weeks. Brian did as the doctor asked before leaving, asking Howie if he could stay with him, which Howie immediately agreed with. The two went back to Howie’s apartment, with Howie driving nowhere near the alley where the assault happened. 

The next couple of days were rough for Brian, he tried to let Howie in but freaked out each time Howie got close. It killed the older man to see his friend like this and he didn’t know what to do. He did make sure Brian ate, reminding him he needed to stay healthy. They soon found an uneasy routine for the next four weeks.

Four weeks later, Brian and Howie went to Brian’s follow-up appointment with Dr. Fields. Brian was scared to go, because he had been having pregnancy symptoms in the last week, and knew what the pregnancy test would say. He did the pee test, and he and Howie waited in the exam room for Dr. Fields to come in with the results of the test. A few minutes later, the doctor came in, and after examining Brian, told him that he had healed from the assault, and that his tests indicated that he was indeed pregnant. Brian burst into tears, and shied away from Howie’s touch. Howie thanked Dr. Fields, and got Brian home safely.

Howie knew that Brian was sensitive about the baby, but he had to ask if Brian planned on keeping the baby. This sent Brian into tears again. He told Howie he had thought about abortion for two seconds, before eliminating that possibility. He had also thought about adoption, but had ultimately decided to keep the baby. Howie then asked when he wanted to tell the other three. Brian got a panicked look on his face, and asked Howie if he would be there. Howie of course said yes, and Brian told Howie to tell them to come in three days, and he would tell them what had happened. 

The day came and the other three were now sitting in the living room. Nick, AJ, and Kevin could see the pained look on Brian’s face, breaking all of their hearts. They wanted to do nothing more but wrap Brian up in their arms, but remembered what Howie had said and stayed in their seats.

Howie was sitting next to Brian, but made sure to keep a good distance between them. The air around the five was full of sadness, fear, and uncertainty as Brian slowly began to open up about being a carrier, what had happened to him, and that he was pregnant.

The other four were shocked as emotions ran through all of them, the silence between them was awkward and uneasy. Nick didn’t know what to think, he wasn’t a carrier himself, but knew others who were. AJ, who was also a carrier, understood the stress of being one and was heartbroken that Brian was raped. Kevin knew his cousin was a carrier as were his two older brothers, but the fact his cousin had been raped almost made him want to throw up. How could someone do something like that?

They told Brian they were there for him and they would help in any way they could. Brian nodded and made sure they knew he was very appreciative. They stayed the night at the apartment before heading back home, Brian tried to let them get near so they could hug him, but again, he freaked out and curled up into a ball.

Howie promised to keep the others updated as they hugged each other, making sure Howie knew to not hesitate to call them for anything and they would be on the next flight back to Florida. Brian finally uncurled himself, wiping the tears from his face.

**Chapter 3**

The Pregnancy

Weeks passed by as Howie made sure to be there for each of Brian’s appointments and keeping the guys updated on what was going on with him and the baby's progress. The two men were also starting to feel a pull towards one another as Brian slowly began to let Howie back in.

Brian was about four months along and had just found out the sex of the baby, it was a little girl. Brian was so thrilled but scared he would resent the baby because of how she had been conceived. He and Howie had talked about this, Howie promising to help him through when these feelings came up. Brian felt himself falling in love with his bandmate and couldn’t imagine doing this on his own without Howie. Howie decided to take Brian out on the town to celebrate the baby’s gender reveal and to get him out of the house. It was a wonderful night even though Brian’s anxiety was high being around the crowd.

A few days later, Brian and Howie had an amazing dinner together before settling down on the couch to watch a movie, Brian didn’t know what possessed him to move closer to Howie, but he did. Howie was shocked but kept still not wanting to scare Brian away. Brian carefully moved right into Howie’s arms, turning just slightly so he could lay his head on the other man’s chest, closing his eyes.

Howie didn’t know what to think but didn’t move, then was surprised when he heard Brian ask him to hold him. Howie blinked but nodded as he wrapped his arms around Brian, gently laying his hand on Brian’s stomach. Brian fell into a world of contentment being wrapped up in Howie’s arms, as if nothing could harm him. He still felt a slight sting of dirtiness and being unworthy, but it was slowly going away as they sat there together.

The next couple of months went by quick for the two, they were starting to really open up to one another and realized they not only wanted to raise the baby girl together, but wanted to be with one another as well. Brian was shocked how willing and accepting Howie was about wanting to raise the baby. They decided to start looking for a house that would be big enough for their family to grow.

It took a few weeks, but they found the perfect house. Nice big living room and kitchen with an outside patio. It had a second floor with three bedrooms and a bathroom. There was another room downstairs that could be turned into anything with another bathroom. Howie wrapped his arms around Brian, both of them sighing happily, Brian laying his head back against Howie’s shoulder.

Their relationship was slowly progressing and Howie wasn’t about to push Brian into anything he wasn’t ready for. Once they got settled in, they had the other three come out and help celebrate as well as tell them about their relationship. Kevin, AJ, and Nick were so happy for them and grateful that Howie had been there for Brian through all of this. Brian did slowly let each of them pull him into their arms, but it was quick and they were happy Brian at least gave them that much.

The couple got settled down and worked on the baby’s room together, Howie making sure Brian didn’t over work himself as the months went on. Brian couldn’t help but smile seeing how overprotective and caring Howie had become, making him fall in love even more with the other man.

The due date was almost here as Howie ran around like a mad man making sure everything was ready to go. It had been rough getting to this point but he wouldn’t think of going anywhere or being with anyone else. Brian had completely stolen his heart as had the baby girl who was about to change their lives.

**Chapter 4**

The Birth and Life Goes On 

It was now five days past Brian’s due date, and he was extremely uncomfortable. He had a hard time sleeping, and felt guilty when Howie stayed up with him. The two men had tried everything, including sex, to get the contractions started. Brian had learned that his body would develop a temporary birth canal that would close up after the baby came. Nick, AJ, and Kevin were staying with them, to be there for the birth. That night, the five were watching movies, when Brian suddenly yelled out. Howie jumped up and asked if he was okay. Brian, with tears in his eyes, said no, that the baby was coming. Howie could see the utter fear and terror on Brian’s face. 

The five made their way to the hospital, with Kevin, AJ, and Nick going to the waiting room, while Brian and Howie got settled in his birthing room. Brian was checked, and he was only dilated to a two, so he had a long way to go. Brian started panicking about the birth, and Howie did all he could to keep him calm. The couple had decided to wait to name their daughter until she was born. Brian knew that he was going to surprise Howie with giving his daughter Howie’s last name, since Brian would be taking his name as well, once their relationship had progressed to that point. 

After fourteen hours of labor, Brian was finally dilated to a ten, and started pushing, with Howie by his side. After an hour of pushing, their baby girl was here. She had wisps of blonde hair on her head, and the clearest blue eyes that matched Brian’s. She was practically a clone of him, and both men fell in love with her at first sight. Brian could find no traces of his assailant in her, and he was extremely grateful for that. He did skin to skin with her for an hour, before letting her go to the nursery for her first bath. 

The nurse soon came in with the birth certificate, and the two men decided on the name Alexandra Sky for their baby girl. Howie assumed that the baby’s last name would be Littrell, so when Brian gave the birth certificate back to the nurse, and she announced that little Miss Alexandra Sky Dorough would be back with her daddy in a few minutes, Howie was completely stunned. He looked at Brian, who had a massive grin on his face. He told Howie that he was doing this to thank him for being there the entire pregnancy, and not leaving after he found out about the rape and pregnancy. Howie, with tears in his eyes, hugged Brian, who didn’t let go. They were soon joined by baby Lexi, and Brian told Howie to go get the other three. 

Soon Howie came back with Kevin, AJ, and Nick, and Kevin made a beeline for his cousin. He asked Brian how he was, and if he could hug him. Brian opened his arms, after giving Lexi to Howie, and gave his cousin the first long hug in months. AJ and Nick followed, and the three men fawned over the baby. Nick asked about her name, and Brian turned to Howie, who announced her name. The other three men’s heads whipped around to see Brian with a smile on his face. AJ teased Howie a bit, but nothing could bring him down from the high of the birth of his daughter.  The three soon left, so the new family could bond. 

Three days later, the new fathers brought their daughter home. Howie got Brian settled in bed, and brought their daughter over, and had her laying between the two of them. The two men talked about how Brian was feeling, and Brian admitted that the love for his daughter overwhelmed any other emotion he had. He still hesitated with contact, but could willingly accept contact without flinching, or shying away, from Howie, Lexi, Nick, Kevin, and AJ. That was it, he couldn’t handle anyone else. Sex was out of the question for the next two months anyway, so that was never brought up. 

Three months after the birth of Alexandra, Brian was feeling back to himself. He still struggled with the nightmares and feelings of dirtiness since the rape, but he was comfortable in Howie’s arms, and the two slept spooned together each night. He knew it would take time to come to terms with what happened, but with Howie by his side, Brian knew he could conquer anything. 

**Epilogue**

Two years after the birth of Alexandra, Howie and Brian married, and became Howard and Brian Dorough. Brian soon became pregnant with their second child, a little boy they named Timothy Drew Dorough. The couple continued performing with the band, but everything was done much slower now that two of the members were fathers. Kevin, Nick, and AJ spoiled their niece and nephew, while also finding and starting their own families. Brian never forgot the conception of his daughter, but was able to come to terms with what happened, and move past it. He had found the love of his life in Howie, and Alexandra and Timothy were the light of his life. Brian was more than what had happened to him, Howie showed him that every single day, and he couldn’t be more grateful to have him in his life. 


End file.
